It is sometime very early in the morning. The windows were open, and I could hear the sound of the outside world along with the hum of my tinnitus. It is still a bit dark out there; the light is barely breaking through. I have no real idea what time it is, but I feel like it is time to get up and get some coffee going. There is a lot to do.
There is much to get done.
My mind is racing with all the things I need to account for. I have to think about the work, the people we seek to serve, the people we have to answer to, all of the actions we need to take and all of the responsibility. It is certainly enough to be rattled.
Over the past few weeks, I have been working through some very difficult challenges. I would offer these are some of the more difficult ones I’ve faced. One thing that I’ve considered through these efforts is how I feel mentally and physically.
Where am I? Am I ok?
More often than not, I am finding comfort with “breaking tape“. I mean, yes, I am getting up early and at times thinking about what I am going to do the next day. Yes, I am pushing boundaries.
Maybe this is what I was always meant to do, and I am just doing it.
“I’m contemplating the decision at hand, weighing my actions against my fears. I’m assessing the risks involved—whether they’re manageable or too daunting. I’m considering the potential losses and the consequences of inaction. Ultimately, I’m questioning how my choice aligns with the greater good.”
The purpose of this post and where I find myself is a bit complicated but important. I’ve been thinking a lot about this, so I decided to share some of these thoughts with you.
I’ll try my best to break it out for you as this is sort of a stream of consciousness.
Fear can often hold a person back in various aspects of life, such as work, finances, family, or the fear of failure. Beyond the obvious concerns, one might ponder:
What will people think? Do I care? Should I care?
How will my leadership team react? The consequences of my actions and their responses are significant considerations. “You had no right to go over my head and send a message to the CEO.” – Manager
The CEO may or may not care about what I have to say, more often than not I would send them a note if I felt the need. *snip* Oh, did I just cut some tape?
And what of my team? Taking bold and brave actions can sometimes lead to a ‘single act’ situation. While the team may value and admire such courage, the effects may not be enduring. The underlying question is “is it worth it”?
For me the answer is mostly “yes” when it comes to speaking up, being bold and courageous. However, this isn’t always clear cut.
The Title and Leader (Position and Power)
Leadership studies, Harvard Business School publications, and insights from renowned professors don’t fully prepare one for these emotions.
There’s a distinction between holding a position of power and grasping the intricacies involved.
Sometimes, individuals in power may be indifferent or narcissistic. In my view, we should avoid self-sacrifice. It’s about doing our best, acting rightly, and recognizing the personal costs, as well as understanding the broader benefits and impacts.
What effect will this have? Is the effort justified?
On the daily, subjecting oneself to distress for the purpose of something that is not long lasting. Something that will be forgotten and something that will not matter. All too often, it is easy to fall into the trap of believing that a bucket of water would be noticeably less empty if we removed a drop. Now, don’t get me wrong, adding a drop of something could create a material change but removing that which is already present warrants deep contemplation.
At the same time, if you hold a station, the nature of the role demands you to have courage. If you choose to act on fear, you will be unable to accomplish the goals or the mission. Some people don’t even understand what kind of position they are in. Even with the title, the fear may be too much for them. It also may not have anything to do with fear. It could be they are just self-centered and focused on what is good for them. While there are many reasons people act this way, I am pointing out that some of “breaking tape” is through accountability and responsibility for the position you may hold itself.
You know this already. When things get hard, what do you do?
When things get hard, I don’t know that I always act consistently.
Break the Tape
I do believe there are times when we must acknowledge our decisions relative to our position and our potential to impact others. It all depends on the situation and your perspective. We may be able to refer to history in regard to gaining insight towards actions we may consider. History does not inform us to the outcome of the choices that we make. No matter what choices I have made in the past, no matter what risks I have taken or avoided, it doesn’t speak the “thing” which is right before me. People will also have an opinion, seek to influence, good or bad. It makes sense to take and understand their counsel, but it may be easier for them to push you to “break the tape” because it isn’t their individual personal risk.
Ultimately, there’s a resolve to navigate the uncertainties, to acknowledge the risks, and to act with courage and responsibility, even if the path forward remains unclear. It’s a reminder to trust in my instincts, to weigh the consequences, and to embrace the discomfort of fear as part of the journey towards progress. Major factors towards “breaking tape” are accountability, responsibility, and sense of risk for myself and the people in my circles. It is important to understand and think through actions and outcomes. In my case, I lean in on taking action.
Other aspects in consideration are vulnerability, resilience, empathy, and long-term vision.
So… “I’m breaking some tape.. how about you?