What would you do if you had to deal with you?
Do you know you? Many books talk about toxic people in the workplace or dealing with difficult people without really digging into the idea that you may be a difficult person.
What if you are a difficult person?
What if this is in your nature?
What if you don’t want to change?
What options do others around you have?
What options do you have?
Martin Haworth extracted these “tips” for dealing with difficult people. I’ll add some flavor below.
Here is where we really need to start.
If you are dealing with a difficult person, there is a very good chance that a person will not change.
There is a very good chance that you will need to be flexible.
There is a good chance that you will need to be tolerant.
There is a good chance that you need to find ways to “cope” and “deal” with it until the situation changes.
Hence, it is bologna to believe that you will find some secret strategy to change a person.
A person can be changed. The person has to experience some event or come to some realization in order to realize the need to change.
They need a reason.
If you realize that you may be a difficult person, what can you do at this point? I think this is more of a realistic question.
Questions referenced from https://www.followyourownrhythm.com/
1. How do I respond when I don’t get what I want?
2. How do I deal with negative people?
3. How much self-control do I have with things that I know are bad for me, but tend to indulge in?
4. How do I deal with inconvenient life situations?
5. How do I respond to situations that I have no control over?
6. How do I deal with negativity in my environment?
7. How do I deal with challenges in my life?
8. How do I respond when plans change or plans get canceled without my say so?
9. How do I deal with change? New job, new house, new lifestyle, new people, new rules, new technology…do I tend to avoid it, welcome it, fear it, like it, complain about it, stress out about it, worry about it?
10. How do I deal with stressful situations? Do I tend to worry a lot? What else do I do?
11. How do I respond to situations that force me to get out of my comfort zone?
12. How do I deal with rejection?
13. How do I deal with being misperceived or misunderstood?
14. How motivated am I to change my life for the better?
15. How much do I follow through on what I preach and talk about?
16. How do I deal with emotional pain?
17. How do I respond when someone judges me, makes fun of me, or calls me names?
18. How do I respond when I make a mistake or when I fail at something?
19. How do I deal with other people’s mistakes and unpleasant behavior?
20. How do I deal with uncertainty, the unknown or a future event that I have no control over?
21. How do I deal with people who have hurt me in the past?
22. How do I respond to obstacles, hardships, and “bad” things that happen in my life?
23. How do I spend my free time?
24. How do I respond to new ideas and new ways of thinking?
25. How do I respond to someone who is different from me or whose ideals and beliefs I don’t agree with or understand?
26. How do I respond to bad or inconvenient news?
27. How do I deal with the violence, hate, and suffering in the world?
28. How do I recharge, rejuvenate, and replenish my energy?
29. How much do I prioritize spending time and energy on myself and on my passions?
30. How fulfilling is my everyday life?
Over the course of my career and in life, I have met many people. I have found some people very difficult. I have also come to realize that I have in some cases been difficult to deal with. I think this is OK. There are times that we need to dig in. At the same time, if we are in a situation that is seemingly intractable, we must consider the total cost.
If we can realize our part in being difficult and make a choice to change our behavior, this is good. If we can’t, we may not even realize the price of our behavior until we pay.
Something to consider:
If I am a difficult person and unaware, what would this look like? When I think of this kind of behavior, some public figures come to mind.
If I am a difficult person and I am aware of myself, what can I do to change?
If I am working with or dealing with a difficult person that is unaware of themselves, what is my expectation of them?
The answer at the end of the day is:
The only person that can change you is you.