People say to me all the time how much they appreciate my transparency. They thank me for my honesty. They thank me for being open. While I appreciate people recognizing that I am being open, it is difficult to understand why this is a thing. Are we in place now where everyone is lying and hiding how they feel all the time?
I believe it is important to be clear. I think clear is kind and you can be kind and clear at the same time. If something makes you uncomfortable, it is important to share your thoughts. If you want something accomplished, it is important to share what you want or need. It is unnecessary to be a jerk about it. It seems today that we are on these extremes of everything when it comes to communication. If we communicate openly, we are aggressive and obtuse. If we don’t share or hide our thoughts and feelings, the lack of communication causes a myriad of issues.
The other thing is that people aren’t listening. They are on their phones or distracted by something else. I don’t like going into an office to meet people for business, but I do find that if I am sitting in front of them calling them out directly to pay attention, this brings better outcomes for communication.
Now with AI, writing seems to be an issue. People won’t even read the writing because they think everything is AI. Auto summarize everything, get the cliff notes.
We are in a communicative conundrum. We are saying words, writing sentences, sharing ideas and information without being received. The best way to communicate is straight forward and clear but if people aren’t entertained or intrigued, they may be looking at a reel.
I’ve been writing my blog posts much shorter than I used to for this very reason.
There is a good chance if you are reading this, you are ready to move on to the squirrel that is tapping on the glass of your electronic world window.
What do you think?
Are you candid?
Are you fearless in your style of communication?
Anyone out there? Beep…. Beep …. Beep.
Totally agree Howie, but so many take candidness the wrong way because they don’t know the person behind it. And they will never know the person if they don’t engage in a deeper conversation than just pleasantries. Sometimes we need to have that deeper conversation with ourselves before we can understand others. Many people don’t even understand themselves and that is a serious issue. With all the distraction, people are just like a herd of animals that shifts every time the wind blows or when they see a patch of green grass. They do not have a foundation and since they don’t how good is their conversation going to be anyway.
Even when your writing is short, it’s poetic.
That said, I want to push back a little…
A couple of things landed in a way I don’t think you intended. The piece reads, to me, like it positions you as the one
communicating clearly and everyone else as the problem. I don’t think that’s your intent, but that’s where I ended up as a reader.
The other thing is “calling THEM out directly to pay attention.” That framing treats people as objects to be managed rather than humans with their own stuff going on. It’s an easy mistake to make and most of us make it. I’ve done it more than you, I’m sure of it.
What I’m actually curious about is what was behind the piece. Something is clearly bugging you…
This is true it’s not just about me. What’s bugging me? “Thank you for your candor”
I hear it all the time and I don’t understand why anyone should thank me for something that we should do in regard to communicating well. I don’t know maybe there’s more to it something for me to consider I suppose
I’ll share something from my own experience that I’m offering as perspective, not as a diagnosis of you. I was coaching a CEO and he thanked me for my candor. At the time I took it at face value. Later, after thinking about it, I asked myself: was that a diplomatic phrase that softened the room without engaging what l said. Code for “I disagree but I respect that you were direct.” Or was it a polite way to close a topic that landed sharper than I meant. Or, the one that stuck with me, was it a managed response from someone who had learned that my candor carried judgment, and the thank you was the quickest way to defuse it.
The mistake wasn’t being direct. It was not noticing that my directness had an edge I wasn’t owning.
I’m not saying that’s what’s happening in your world. Just that I didn’t see it in myself until I really thought deeply about it and I truly regretted it…
For what it’s worth, Howie, I read your blog posts. 🙂
The bar certainly is lower these days regarding expectations from fellow humans. Honesty and clarity has been elevated to a kind of rare virtue when they should be standard practice.
Your post makes me think about my impression of customer service at Chick-fil-A: Employees smile, are always kind, helpful and customer-oriented. When I was growing up – I’m 46, so this wasn’t *too* long ago – these qualities were standard practice. Nowadays? … Chick-fil-A is known for so-called “exceptional service.”
P.S. — Don’t get me started on those “Tip” jars on counters in other places!
– Armand
Consider over the last 20 years most public company service chains have pushed harder (speed, labor efficiency, complexity) while workers dealt with lower pay, ruder customers, weak (or no) benefits & high turnover.
It’s what happens when companies & their customers, see these employees as replaceable objects vs the people they are… it causes companies to only see labor costs & customers to only see inconvenience, and workers see one more brutal shift. In that kind of system, courtesy stops being standard not because human character collapsed, but because the conditions that make courtesy possible have been stripped away…
Chick-fil-A tries harder than most major chains to treat workers as people
I’m not convinced it’s the people…