Looking for work.. Napkin notes from the street (lessons learned)
In my experience both interviewing candidates and coaching people for interviews, I’ve noticed several crucial areas that many overlook for personal reasons, even though they are essential to successfully landing a job.
The first and most important question that you must know the answer to is “What do you want”?
What do you want?
What the heck does this mean Howie? What do you mean “What do I want??”
I want a job, and that’s why we are here.
Yep.
Most people I have spoken to don’t know what they want.
There is a difference between what you can do and what you want to do.
There is a difference between what you are willing to do and what you want to do.
We can’t know what another person is willing to do but I can tell you that people are willing to do more than you think. (yeah, connected but a conversation for another day)
So, for this post, let’s get into it. Here’s what I want you know, you don’t have to do it. You don’t have to go through the whole “knowing” but if you don’t, it will be harder for you.
People also may THINK they know what they want but more often than not, they don’t. They haven’t done the work. It is likely you haven’t done the work.
Why? It is easier to work on someone else over yourself. TRUTH..
For this post, I am going skip the Life plan work and get into other tools and techniques.
Here are few things to consider:
- your age does matter
- your desire to work does matter
- you motivation does matter
- you passion does matter
- your idea of purpose does matter
- your NEED to work does matter
People want to hedge their desperate situation against their wants and needs. Even when people are dying for work, they will act irrationally because of what they believe they deserve. Again, this has nothing to do with what they WANT.
You may deserve a kick in the ass and want a trophy. So.. there’s that..
We can address all the considerations if you’d like but I am leaving this alone for now.
Let’s get into knowing what you want.
Knowing what you want means.
Career & Work
- What would I do even if no one paid me for it?
- What kind of problems do I actually enjoy solving?
- Do I want more responsibility, or just more recognition?
- Would I take this job if no one I know would ever hear about it?
- What’s the difference between what I’m good at and what I actually want to keep doing?
- Do I want to lead people, or do I want to be left alone to do the work?
- What would I need to be true about a job for me to stop checking other listings?
- Am I chasing this title because I want it, or because leaving it unclaimed would bother me?
- What was I doing the last time I lost track of time at work?
- If I could keep the paycheck and change one thing about my day, what would it be?
Money & Security
- What amount of money would actually change my decisions, versus just feel good to have?
- Am I optimizing for income or for freedom — and do I know which one I’d choose if forced?
- What would I do differently if I already had “enough”?
- How much risk can I actually tolerate, versus how much I claim to tolerate?
- What’s the cost I’m not pricing in — time, health, relationships — to get this financial outcome?
Relationships & People
- Who do I want in my life five years from now, and am I investing in that?
- What do I want from the people closest to me that I’ve never actually said out loud?
- Do I want more connection, or more solitude — and have I confused one for the other?
- Whose approval am I still chasing without realizing it?
- What kind of partner/friend/colleague do I want to be, independent of how others show up?
- Is there someone I want to reconcile with, or let go of, that I keep avoiding deciding on?
Time & Daily Life
- If I designed a perfectly ordinary Tuesday, what would be in it?
- What do I want more of in a typical week — and what am I willing to remove to make room for it?
- Where does my time go that I’d never willingly choose if I were designing my life on purpose?
- What’s the smallest change to my daily routine that would make the biggest difference?
- Do I want a full calendar or an empty one — and which one actually restores me?
Health & Body
- What do I want my physical capability to look like in 10 years, and does today serve that?
- Am I pursuing this health goal for myself, or for how I imagine I’ll be seen?
- What would “enough” exercise/sleep/food discipline look like if I stopped moralizing about it?
- What physical feeling am I actually chasing — energy, calm, strength, appearance?
Growth & Learning
- What am I curious about that has nothing to do with my career?
- What skill would I regret never having tried to build?
- Do I want to get better at this, or do I just want to have already gotten better at it?
- What’s something I used to want to learn that I quietly gave up on — and why?
Values & Identity
- What do I want to be true about how I treat people when it costs me something?
- If my choices were the only evidence of my values, what would that evidence say?
- What identity am I holding onto that I might not actually want anymore?
- What would I want for myself if I weren’t worried about what it says about me?
- Is this want mine, or did I inherit it from a parent, boss, or an earlier version of me?
Purpose & Legacy
- What do I want people to say about me when I’m not in the room?
- What do I want to have built, fixed, or left better than I found it?
- If this were my last ordinary year of full health, what would I want to spend it on?
- What’s the difference between the life I want and the life I want to be seen wanting?
Environment & Place
- Where do I want to wake up — not for vacation, but for good?
- What kind of physical space do I want around me every day?
- Do I want to be near people, or near nature, or near opportunity — and which have I actually chosen?
Emotional & Inner State
- What feeling am I actually after — is it peace, excitement, pride, relief, belonging?
- What do I want to stop feeling, and what am I willing to change to stop feeling it?
- Am I moving toward something I want, or away from something I fear? Which is driving this decision?
- What would “enough” feel like, specifically — not just sound like?
The Authorship Test (borrowed vs. real)
- If I got this exact thing, would I know? What would change?
- Would I still want this if no one ever found out I had it?
- Is there a finish line to this want, or does it just keep moving?
- Whose voice am I hearing when I say “I want this”?
- Would I want this if I had to explain, in one sentence, why, to someone whose opinion doesn’t matter to me?
Negative Space (define it by what it isn’t)
- What do I definitely not want, even if I can’t yet say what I do want?
- What would I refuse even if it paid well or looked impressive?
- What have I outgrown wanting, and have I actually let it go?
- What’s easier to name — my fears or my wants — and what does that gap tell me?
Stephen John talks about “The Freedom Model” Fundamentally, it means, if I have “FU” money what would I do?
Not what would you buy. What would you do.
Some people can answer that in five seconds. Most people go quiet, because the honest answer isn’t “nothing” and it isn’t “more of exactly this.” And some people, worth naming, wouldn’t have enough no matter what the number was, the want was never about the money, and the money was never going to fix it.
The fuller version of the model is about how you leave, not just what you’d do if you never had to. Steven breaks it into two statements. A FROM statement, what you’re leaving, what you can’t stand anymore, what’s driving you out the door. And a TO statement, what you’re actually moving toward. Most people have a FROM ready to go, fully detailed, no notes needed. Ask them for the TO and they stall.
His rule: don’t leave on a FROM alone. A reactive exit built entirely on what you hate tends to land you somewhere new you’ll hate just as fast, for reasons you never examined because you were too busy running. Get the TO clear first, even if it takes longer than you want it to.
There’s one exception, and it’s the actual “freedom” in the model: an ethical line. If you’re being asked to lie, cover something up, or cross a value you’ve already named as non-negotiable, that’s a legitimate FROM all by itself. You don’t owe it a TO. You just leave.
Some people no matter how much money they have don’t have enough. Do you know who you are?
Do you know what you want?
Does work define you?
Are you your work?
Do you get up at 1am worrying about work things?
If you woke up at 1 a.m. last night running numbers on a project that isn’t yours to lose sleep over, that’s not dedication. That’s the job answering a question you haven’t asked yourself yet.
Ask it. Not for the interview. For you.
Last thing here, the biggest blocker for me when I lost my job was not being able to answer this question.
It is also the first question I ask people when I am helping them.
One person said to me “If you don’t know what you want, how am I supposed to know what you want?”
Right???
If you want some templates to work through with models that can help you answer questions, just comment or send me a note and I’ll put them somewhere for you or send them..
Much Love..