The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life. -Derek Walcott
You
Many of us hide behind a facade. A public expression of strength and assurance. The truth is much more complicated in regard to how we may feel about ourselves. Beyond the complications of how we see ourselves, we have different ways of communicating today. We are more connected through transactional messaging but less connected as human beings with deep and intense connectivity.
Many people stand strong on holding a line of confidence, strength and assurance. There is a bit of frailty involved but they persist. The net result of more transactional connectivity is less expression and understanding of who we are with a high fidelity. Most of us have a desire to have purpose and love.
If you only know someone at the surface or are known at the surface of who you are, how would you feel accomplished in what you seek?
If my identity is tied to what I do and I lose what I do, who am I?
I know for myself personally, I had to figure this out before. I do something; therefore, it is who I am. If I don’t do that something, who am I now?
If you don’t explore who you are and what you believe about yourself, how will you present yourself to others?
When I started a journey of self-exploration, I discovered that I was blind to myself. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what I wanted, it was that I could not see myself with clarity through my own lens. Personally, it took a very long time of reading and writing to understand the fundamentals of me. I’d say if I am honest with you reader, I am still working it all out. However, I did ask myself some questions that helped me discover what I want and what I can bring to the table in regard to immediate value under the right conditions and circumstances.
There are three basic components to consider:
- Awareness
- Acceptance
- Love (Self-love)
If you are blind like I have been, there is nothing to accept or love because you don’t know what it is. The first part of the journey is to become aware of yourself.
Meanwhile, you may have to look for work and find your next job. You may be thinking about what you are going to do and how you are going to get there. Why should you even consider looking into yourself at this time?
If you don’t understand yourself or your value, it will come across and you will struggle with converting to your next role. Not to say that you won’t find a job. If you understand yourself better and you understand your strengths, you can speak to these better.
It will also help you understand what you want.
A few things you can do immediately to help and learn about yourself:
- Reframe self-talk – “I failed to.. ” with “I am learning and growing..”
- Gratitude statements and writing – Daily achievements and accounting for the positive outcomes.
- Set small goals and objectives that are achievable.
- Look for creative channels.
- Talk to people and allow yourself to be open and unafraid to the extent that you can.
Practical and Tactical
Too much is overwhelming, totally understandable. What you need to know is that if you don’t know what you want and you can’t say it clearly, it will be difficult for someone to help you.
The first exercise that I recommend you do is call someone you trust and have them ask you. “How can I help you?” Work through your answer with them. There will be questions like “what do you want to do?” They may ask you if you took any action already. If you can’t find someone to speak with, practice with yourself through writing or self-talk. It is important that you understand that what you think you want may not actually be what you want. You will discover this through conversation.
My friend Frank Klucznik and I will be posting information on LinkedIn to help. Our network is growing and we will continue to add people, make connections and share lessons learned. Additionally, if you reach out, we will look to connect you with a person or coach to help you.
If you have a question, reach out!
Link me in XCohKluz network
The old saying is bloom where you are planted is something we all must remember. Many times in our lives we are confronted with change, and that change could be good or bad but the fact that life does change and we sometimes don’t have control of the world outside of our own immediate environment might give us opportunities that we can’t see at first glance, that might be suitable for us. In fact, in many cases you can make the job suit you not find that job that suits you as you are at least 50% of this equation.
I have found that we tend to be either detail oriented or big picture oriented and that can fit in any job but is especially helpful in certain positions better then others. We have to be somewhat both “detailed” and “big picture” our entire lives and sometimes we have to be in one camp more than another depending on the situation. Many times we see the big picture better than our leaders or vise-a-versa we see the details better than our leaders. This is where communication is key to advancing or even sustaining your position, how you communicate what you know.
Looking through a microscope is a great example of life in general. We first have to know what we are looking at and that takes somewhat of the big picture and then when we see the details of what we are looking at we can see processes and movement that we didn’t see with the big picture. How we relate to that is important as if we only stay in the details we never figure out how the details fit within the big picture and the opposite applies to the other way of looking at it. It is why leaders need to be on the shop floors sometimes to understand the small movements of the process to see how it all fits together. Our goal of happiness should come from our engagement not the job itself. And if we are making a difference in this world.