This past week was particularly difficult for many people I’ve spoken to about finding work. The postings are coming out every day but there is a strange phenomenon about people and companies.
On LinkedIn, people put the hiring banner up on their profiles, but these same people don’t answer messages.
If you are looking for work, I know you are frustrated. It is absolutely a real issue, and it is very emotionally taxing. How you feel matters.
MICRUS
I’ll step back for a moment and tell you a short story about when I worked for a company called MICRUS. MICRUS was a joint venture between IBM and Cirrus Logic formed back in 1995. They were producing chips on silicon wafers. I started working for the company as a temp to hire on the night shift some time in 1997. I worked the night shift from 6:00 pm to 6:00 am loading silicon wafers onto machines punching in recipes from engineers to cut the layers of metal and silicon, perform photo lithography and metal deposition and inspection. Most if not all of what I did would or could be automated today.
We worked like bees hyper focused on timing machines for loading and unloading. Midnight was our break time, coffee and orange powdered ephedra fueled our insane pace and speed. We were a part of the machine, wrapped in full body suits with only our eyes and lower forehead showing our expression. In between our loading, unloading and inspection, we shared stories, built relationships, laughed, cried, sang. It all happened on the floor in the clean room. The maintenance teams would take the machines down for cleaning and they were sort of outlaws on the floor. We were using terminal emulators to do all of our work. We would also login for our timecard and all of our normal business activities. We were using OS 2 Warp Merlin which had a lot of great features for the time. One of the things it could do was macro functions. Now, something for you to know about is that we would mess with each other if we left our terminals open. For example, we could rename all the functions in our dashboard and make it funny names or remap the function to something else. The maintenance team had a bad habit of leaving themselves logged in and we changed their interface a lot. Getting back to the macro, so I figured out that I could set the macro function to catch a person logging in and simply play the function back when they left the terminal. This would give me their username and password. I tested this a few times on myself and one of my close friends. Once I figured out that it worked, I immediately reported it to my manager.
My manager was an old nearly retired IBM’r who didn’t want to deal with anyone. She was mostly unkind and nasty, but I felt compelled to make sure she understood the risk that was right in front of her. Once I told her about it, she told me to go back to the floor immediately and not discuss it with anyone. A few days later, I was moved to the day shift. I had a new manager, and I didn’t understand what was happening. They told me it was for the needs of the business. A week or so passed and I was called to the office by my new manager, she told me I was terminated immediately for breaching their computer use policy. During that week, they had interviewed people to see if I had changed their screen or if I had done anything that would indicate I was breaking policy. Of course, over the past few weeks when maintenance people left their screens open people changed them. Every screen change was blamed on me, and I was released. I thought I was helping but, in the end, I just identified risk that they didn’t know how to manage. It was easier for them to get rid of me than solve the problem.
Here I was a 20 something young, divorced father with basically no money, no job and skills that I acquired for computers as a hobby. I was still in the Navy reserves, and I was thinking I had no other choice but to go back to full active duty. I had a friend that worked construction, and I was able to secure some “day work” for a little while. I had responsibilities and had no idea what I was going to do. Most of my friends were people I’d met while I was working there, and they didn’t know how to help me.
My ex-wife had told me she was moving back to Hampton Roads and so, I decided to go where my son would be. I was able to get a job at the Navy Exchange in electronics for basically minimum wage. At the time, I was not able to get unemployment because I was accused of hacking, although they didn’t know to call it that at the time. Side note, an administrative law judge with some computer knowledge eventually overturned the firing when they admitted I brought this to their attention, and they had no evidence that I hacked anything. Regardless, I lost my job. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was wrong.
The fear I had was overwhelming. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to pay the bills including my child support. I didn’t have a network that could help me. I was young and fairly disheveled. I had more recently been not much more than a robot and a DC man for the Navy. My confidence was low, and my world felt very dark.
The reason I am sharing this is because I remember how I felt. I felt alone and I felt rejected. I thought things might be a little easier for me. I thought that with all the opportunities that the world presented that I could go in and make something happen. I was failing at everything across the board. I didn’t even know how to ask for help. My life changed when I moved to Hampton Roads, but this is a story for another day. The point I am making here is that when I see people struggling, I automatically go back to this place and know how I felt. The uncertainty and the sense of confusion about my value. What would I do? What was I willing to do? What happens when I run out of resources? How do I mask my desperation?
What is important to me
Most of the time when I write my blog people react to the things that I say that they may not find in other places. I am not saying that I am different from anyone else, I am just saying that I share things that some people may relate with and don’t openly talk about. Feeling weakness and being able to find some way to overcome this without going down the dark roads that pull on us is what I am looking to find ways to explain. My feelings of self-worth and being of no or low value were overwhelming. When people ignored me or wouldn’t even try to help me, I felt worthless. I recall a painting I did at the time. It was a stick figure person with their heart and their light leaking out of their body. It was almost like my soul was bleeding and even without tears my whole essence was crying out. I felt like I was becoming invisible to the world, and I wasn’t loved.
Back then my identity wasn’t as tied to my work as it became later in life. Still the loss of work, the darkness that I allowed myself to wash over me started to drown me. I can’t remember all the things that motivated me to move forward at that time, but I do know that I wanted to be there for my son William.
The younger me knew instinctively what motivated others to help but I didn’t know how to tap into that instinct and turn it into action. As a person inclined to help others, I didn’t know how to receive help. It took a lot more damage and difficulty to receive help. I had to recognize that a hand up wasn’t just a handout.
Adversity is not a measure of your worth, but a crucible in which your true character is forged. The darkness of uncertainty and rejection can feel overwhelming, but it is also where resilience, self-knowledge, and compassion are born. If you are struggling, know that you are not alone, and that your value is not diminished by your circumstances.
I am sure you have your own trials. Many people I know identify themselves by their work. When they lose their jobs, they feel a part of their identity slips away. How many people sit at a table with a stranger and are asked “what do you do for a living”?
What I do as a living isn’t who I am, it is something that I have wrestled with for a long time.
I have also seen over the years when people openly believe or see me through the value, they believe I have to them. What am I to you? Yes, the old General puts down his stars and doesn’t write a book. He fades into the darkness and people aren’t looking for his approval or calling him “sir.” It is all relative to perception. I know how this feels, and I can see those behaviors as Neo in the Matrix. We have to be stronger than that. We have to hold and know our own value. If we don’t know it, we should seek to discover it and know what we want. We need to be ready for options, opportunities and the best things to come.
The Sun will come out
Losing a job or facing rejection in the search for work can feel like losing a part of yourself. The story I shared is not just about a single setback, but about the deep uncertainty, fear, and questions of self-worth that can follow. It’s easy to let circumstances define our value, especially when society so often measures us by our professional roles. But as I learned, our true worth is not tied to a job title, a paycheck, or the approval of others.
Adversity, while painful, can become a crucible for resilience, empathy, and growth. If you are struggling right now—feeling invisible, rejected, or unsure of your next step—know that you are not alone. Your experiences, no matter how difficult, do not diminish your value. Instead, they can help you discover strengths and perspectives you never knew you had.
Remember: what you do for a living is not who you are. Your identity and potential are far greater than any position or circumstance. Hold on to your sense of self, seek out support when you need it, and remain open to new opportunities. The best things often come after the hardest trials. Stay strong, stay true to yourself, and know that your worth is intrinsic—no matter what the world says.
Funny connected story (mostly for my Drew) I worked construction during the time I was finding my way to Virginia. The guy I worked for just quit smoking and was a rage machine. I couldn’t figure out what side of a 2 x 4 to cut and ruined almost every board I touched. He moved me over to cut kitchen tile, and I couldn’t figure out how to do that either. I broke most of the tiles. Lets say I didn’t last long with him and who’s kitchen and basement did I unintentionally mess up? The great J.K. Simmons.. I think the poor guy had a few cigs because of me.. Happy Sunday and Happy Easter