Running down the passageway, the lights were flickering and smoke was pouring from the galley. The overhead fire systems had turned on but a grease fire was in progress. The bells were going off, the alarms were screaming and over the 1MC we could hear “fire, fire, fire, there’s a fire in … .” All Damage Controlman and Hull Technicians were dressing out and getting ready to fight a tiny dragon. A tiny dragon is still a dragon. She is still a story waiting to be told.
More than a story, it is a point in time where men live in fear and courage. Not the battle of battles but still a dragon to tame. How bad could it have been if only it was worse?
On the other side of these stories, men are bonded. If you are a woman reading this, please understand, this is not comparing women to men, this is simply identifying something that allows for men to open up to each other.
One brother of mine loves to talk about when we were in a physical fight with 20 of us going at it in an old house that we were renting. It was a party night and some marines showed up and caused a ruckus. In the streets everyone was swinging fists and we fought until we were exhausted. In the end, the marines were hurt and left dragging each other off into the distance. What a story he can tell. He threw the one guy and punched the other and so on.
It has been over 30 years and the story along with others doesn’t get old.
When times are tough and there isn’t anyone to talk to about the problems and challenges of life, he knows that he can call me. He chooses to call me. I have seen his strength and he allows me as his brother to see the feelings and emotions. To work through the darkness and the hurt. Why? Because he knows I won’t judge him and I’ve seen him at his best.
Fighting dragons and enemies, being strong and confident these things are easy compared to showing what some may believe or perceive as weakness. Showing emotion and empathy or being allowed to shed and share a tear.
You know many men won’t allow themselves to show this side of themselves to anyone. It is hard rule that men must be strong and to carry the burdens alone.
While you may not think this is still true, it is for many. The expectations are 10 fold because men are supposed to be sensitive and caring along with strong and resilient but these don’t always align. The expression of feeling may be confused with weakness.
While this isn’t weakness, it is for sure a place where men do not want to go. If they go there, everything is at risk. In fact, they may be accused of being too emotional or worse.
I see this all the time these days. Men looking for work, trying to figure out how they are going to get their next job. Often, they feel alone and it tears at them. It is my responsibility to go out and get a job. It is my responsibility to figure it out. It is my responsibility to do this without complaining. Many women are very supportive but I think the truth is a little darker. I think they want strength and do NOT want to see what they perceive as weakness. Would you take a strong mean and successful man over a strong kind and semi-successful man? We know it all depends right?
The new battlefield is the work place and the new world we live in. The battles are different and there are no dragons for most men.
Where do you go to find your brothers in battle? You can’t just walk up to another man and say “I am a strong fighter and I am pillar for my family but, I need a place to be emotional and understood.” These places don’t naturally exist.
It is uncommon for us to be understood. It is more common for us to be alone.