We can do better.

Last week, I traveled to Boston to continue my apprenticeship with the Rising Leadership Forum of SIM. Every visit and engagement teaches me something new. From this experience, I walk away with something new to think about. I also find myself inspired to do more.

Today, I’d like to share an experience I had as I traveled home. Boston is about 4 hours or so away by car if the roads are clear. I find my drive to Boston much faster than when I return home. On Friday, after all the learnings, the emotions and activities, I jumped in my car and pushed the button on the gps to see what magic number would appear for the hours it would take me to get back. It said 5 hours which automatically means 8.

I stopped off, grabbed some gas, and headed on towards traffic.

On some days, when the temperature is right, I’ll roll down the window and let the air in. I drive in a magic bubble, no one can see me or hear me yelling out the windows singing 90’s grunge until I’m sore. I can make this whole journey without a pit stop and possibly get to see my family for a few before I just fall down from exhaustion.

This Friday, I didn’t feel good. I left the window open because I was trying to keep myself together without passing out. I was starting to drift a little, it wasn’t sleep, it was more like going to darkness and my youngest son called just at the right time. I asked him to stay on with me for a while, there was no place for me to get off the road and I needed him to keep going.

There were a few moments where I really worried if I was just going to pass out and run off the road. I wondered if I did everything I was meant to do. I wondered if my wife and kids would be upset with me. I thought about a lot of things in a very short amount of time.

Luckily, I had some coconut water with me. I had grabbed some earlier as I was heading out the door. I stayed on with Sam, drank the container and after a few minutes, I was somewhat back to myself and by the time I reached a place that I could egress, I was ok to drive the distance.

Now that I was back to myself, I started reflecting on the forum. I also thought a lot about current events. Turn on the news and hear about the challenges in our world. We are all living in moments of great uncertainty. It was just a few minutes ago that I could have ended my life by driving off the road. We all live on the edge but we are certainly not conscious or aware of this on the daily as we navigate our days.

It reminds me of what I am planning for tomorrow. Tomorrow, I am going to do something that will make a difference. Tomorrow, I am going to make that phone call. Tomorrow, I am going do buy that car. Tomorrow, I am going to take that vacation. One of the exercises we did in the leadership forum asked us to think about the year/age we believe we will die. I didn’t blink and I wrote down an age that even surprised me. I can’t predict the future and I can’t worry about it but I do realize that even as I wrote that age down and as shocking as it may be to my family for them to hear or see what I think it is, that I could have just as soon driven off the road on Friday and never made it home.

What does this have anything at all to do with “WE” doing better? I have asked out loud many times in writing and in conversation, what if we knew that today was our last day?

I mean, the truth is that the earth will be consumed by the sun, right? We’ve said this before and so, why does today matter? Why does anything matter? If humankind is destined for nothingness or we all are just traveling towards the great beyond or whatever, then why should we care about doing better? What does “doing better” even mean?

Stephen Hawking was perceptually trapped in his own head. As he dove inside the universe by looking into his own mind, he freed himself of his trap. He was restricted and confined to live in a body that didn’t work properly. He continued on and lived well past what anyone thought. He defied the odds and made a difference with his mind and to help of others in the world. Yet, when he as asked about his contribution to the world, he was mostly dismissive. He believed that his personal story of disability may overshadow his story as a great scientist. I have to agree with him but I think that his ability to overcome his physical limitations helped many more people in reality than any of his ideas of universal string theory.

We don’t always know how impactful we are towards others. We don’t always know the effects. The things we accomplish may not even be related to what we believe we are seeking to accomplish in a given moment.

The reason we should seek to do better is not for the distant future. It isn’t for the near future. It is for the moment right now. If we choose to do things that will harm us in the future, we are surely creating risk. I am not suggesting that we ignore the future or disregard it. I am suggesting that if we ignore our moments right now, that we rob ourselves of a future that we want. If I also live in the idea of doing something, then I don’t actually do it. If I do it, I might go back and ask myself why I waited. I shouldn’t have waited but I also should not punish myself for waiting. We can do better by taking action and realizing our moments now.

We can do better. We can do better for our children, for our future, if we have courage now. We can do better, if we choose to work together. If we choose to be together. If we choose to stop being alone trapped in our own thoughts. If we stop believing that we are in a movie and that we are the star of it. If we realize that all the supporting actors and actresses were not cast into this moving picture. We are individuals but we are also connected. Even as we see the world through our own lens, we still have shared views and shared connectivity. We can work together right now towards common goals.

When I say “we can do better” I mean we can and we should right now.

You may not believe me when I tell you this but I’ve read a lot of books about leadership and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. What have I found? There is no one way, no formulaic out of the box thing that you can take from someone else to become the leader that YOU need to be for your life. There are common themes and patterns which lend themselves like recipe cards but these won’t net out to you specifically the same exact result.

I recently thought about this on the drive home. I thought animals and insects, plants and all life on our planet have purpose. Aside from human beings, I don’t believe that any other creature ponders what it should be. It just is what it is. It is what it should be. It should be what it is. My grandmother told me, that I have so much potential. Potential to be something. Many years later, I read a story in the book Theft of Spirit about a boy who was dying. He wanted to be a firefighter and so, the fire department made him a fireman. The author says “so whats new?

“Most of us don’t become what we can be because we can’t see it’s what we already are.”

Excerpt From
Theft of the Spirit: a Journey to Spiritual Healing With Native Americans
Carl Hammerschlag M.D.

This single line through the book had me crying. Does a bird have potential to fly? I wonder, it is what it is and still it may not do what it is meant to do.

We may ponder our life purpose. Sitting on the branches looking over the cliff, never taking flight. We may be experts in all things but taking action. We should not ponder our purpose, we should simply BE our purpose. We can do better by realizing that we can take action now. We can be what we are told we have the potential to be. Of course, it is true that we can’t get fat or fit in a day. We can’t be a lead guitarist without practice. We can’t be an expert pastry chef without learning the art and science of baking. This is true. Just as the bird takes flight, she needs to gain some experience in the air. She needs to learn what the air feels like. She needs to learn how to catch a warm pocket on a mountain to lift her higher with little to no effort. All the fundamentals are there but she won’t get to experience those moments if she doesn’t get going.

Don’t let the chatter in your head stop you.

Don’t let anyone else stop you.

Just be what you are, acknowledge it, and be it. No matter what happens, you are always what you are meant to be, you just need to see it.

Happy Sunday