I sit at the edge of the table, fruit in the middle and a few beverages within reach. The men grumble on about the wives directing them towards this or that. In only a few more years, the men will have provided enough, taught enough, served enough and the children will move on. Oh, what we thought we knew about building a family. The father is many things, he can be a brother and a son, a husband, a grandfather. The most important job it seems is the one right in front of him. To teach these wild animals how to be civilized.
For almost all of my life, I had a strong desire to be connected with my father. I looked at him as some kind of super person. My mother would say that I acted like him or emulated his behaviors. Over the years, I also adopted men as father and brother figures. Most men in my experience did NOT want to be in the father “light” vs a brother. As an adult today, I can understand why.
I myself felt weird about being “Dad” as that meant something different. What wisdom was imparted on me from the universe? How do I pass on all the things to my children? I am not what they may think I am, and I don’t want to fail them. Being the son or brother is much easier. I can receive the knowledge, fail and ask for grace. Being the father, I have to be right.
On this Father’s Day as the texts rolled in, I contemplated what it is to be “The Dad” and why I need to shift my mindset from fear to confidence. I realize that I will make mistakes regardless. I realize that they will see me as a human being at some point. They will know that I am just a man. My hope for them is that I taught them enough to embrace other men and learn from them. That I taught them enough to show what they don’t know so that they can learn. Of course, I’d like to be the voice in their head when they do something wrong. I don’t think I am always there for those decisions because all of them are boys and.. well, we don’t think clearly all the time!
So, on this Father’s Day, I hope for all of us to realize our relationships with each other are important and we must accept what others can give and when there are limits and boundaries. The relationship between a father and a child is very special indeed. For all my boys, I love them, and I do my best for them, and I hope they know. I absolutely have favorites, every day one of them is my favorite depending on how much the others irritated me.
For this Father’s Day, I will enjoy the moment, take it in, learn and grow.
Happy Father’s Day