The Journey to Happiness
Recently I was asked to talk about my life as part of my work at the Regional Leadership Forum of the SIM leadership institute. If you aren’t familiar with this program, it seeks to help develop leaders through multiple modalities.
I went through the program as a participant a few years ago but now I am participating in facilitating the program. I am still an apprentice and have the benefit of straddling the line between facilitator and participant. We read a lot of books, study materials and gain experience through looking outside and inward. Mostly, I spend time reading and looking for ways to apply concepts in real life.
Through my most recent readings, I am contemplating,
A point of discovery
In many ways, abstract themes drive us today as we consider the world in life and our application to business and work. We are a text, a tweet, thread, post, tik or something away from a significant emotional event.
Aside from our memories, our past and current pain, we are constantly reminded of social and global issues. There is a “pain chain” which holds all of us in some form.
Pain Chain
What is this “pain chain” which places hardened boundaries, rules, conditions, and permanent marks on us prior to entering the world?
My last name is Cohen, I must be a Jew. If I am not a Jew, then I was born to someone who is or was somehow tied to a Jew at some point. Isn’t this, right? What does it mean to be born a Jew? What does it mean to be born with a name like Cohen and not be a Jew? Ideas about who we are from the moment we see the name. Assumptions are made, across the board. Some are horrible and some are so presumptive that we are even spoken to in a language that we do not understand. For those who assume that I am a religious Jew, I get hate from one side and assumptions by the religious Jews on the other. There are expectations of both. I am expected to do what I am supposed to do. I am expected to be a wealthy lawyer, doctor, or banker as part of a global conspiracy to run the world (mehhhhahahahahah) or I am supposed to show up to synagogue to participate in my religion with old men sharing their wisdom of the ages. I am expected to do something in many ways but there are very few if any people that have zero expectations or treat me like an individual without my forward-facing identity.
Hated by generations of people and born into a world that has historically sought to kill my genetic line off so as not to corrupt or dirty the genes of the purists whomever they may be.
It is NOT okay to talk about how much the Jews are hated or personal pain and the nasty vitriol and unchecked behavior of people throughout my life who have attacked me for being born into something that I had no choice in.
There is no freedom of identity. We are what we are labeled to be no matter what we want. Just as people today want to be identified by their choice of gender vs biology, I don’t believe that I have that same right to choose. I can’t say, I don’t believe in my heart that I am a Jew or of Jewish decent because I don’t identify with it. My DNA says otherwise and the hate that comes with my DNA doesn’t go away. It is a chain of hate and a chain of pain that is passed on through the generations of remembering. Passing on the stories of why we hate each other and why it is important to perpetuate hate as opposed to stopping it where it lives today.
The chain of pain and misery is forged in our history. We are told to “never forget” as Jews because we don’t want to forget what happened to us in most recent history. Many including what we call “our own” people deny the holocaust ever happened. Many “measure up” and hold a ruler of their generational pain and misery against ours.
The “pain chain” is the curse of man. If Eve had never bitten that apple, they would have lived forever without the knowledge of their existence. They would have been beasts just like the rest of the animals on our planet.
The knowledge passed on and remembered, retained, and used as weapons to hurt each other or to have realizations and intentionally hide knowledge to hurt each other.
We humans are not all that different from each other, but we inflict ourselves with this pain and we shackle ourselves by it. We later use it to try and reverse harm but mentally, this pain still exists. Ask JZ and Beyonce if the money and fame is enough. I’d venture to say, they believe not.
All the Money
All the money, fame and power in the world is not enough to fill the vacuum of a person’s soul if it remembers generational pain. In our modern history, Putin has enough power and money to live the life of his dreams. What more could a person ask for than control of a country, money, international power, and influence? He potentially wants something that has more to do with his personal perspective and emotions vs something that is noble for the betterment of his people. Is this the way it goes? Even if I have it all, it isn’t enough because I am still tied to a chain of hate that disallows me from being genuinely happy.
Breaking the Mind’s Eye Falsehoods
The excuse for Tommy and I getting beaten on a public bus as we sat in the back was Howard Beach. The news and radio played the story of kids in Howard Beach chasing a young man into the street where he was hit by a car and killed. It was more than just being killed by a car; I remember it as it became the reason, we had cigarettes extinguished on us. It was racially motivated and hateful for these boys who chased Michael Griffith to his death. It was also racially motivated that groups of young men throughout the city decided they could exact revenge on anyone that looked worthy of it while yelling “Howard Beach.” An excuse for hate and violence but that portion doesn’t make the news. That part doesn’t have regrets and punishment as it doesn’t rise to the level of the story required for perpetual victimhood.
Our personal pain, the pain that we are born with through generations and the pain that we make through our desires to find control, drive us to stories which allow us to make sense of truth or lies. It doesn’t matter if it is true as long as someone believes it to be true. It also doesn’t matter if it is true if I need it to be true so that I can seek to get what I want and need out of it.
The challenge of it all is the measure. Growing up, we heard of 6 million Jews dying in the holocaust. It was our commercial understanding. Russia lost almost 9 million people alone and global casualties were up to 85 million people. I didn’t know about the loss for Russia until I was an adult.
Do we now say that Russia suffered more? Do we now disregard the loss of the Jewish people? Do we now say the Russians had more overall pain and should get reparations from Germany? It all depends on the story we require and the story we want to pass onto the generations as a matter of benefit.
The Art of Forgetting
I was born into this world not knowing. I could not do anything by myself, I needed shelter, food, and protection. I didn’t know what I was. If I were a monster or a devil, I had no idea. Even as the Christian bible teaches the devil was an angel. When the devil became an adversary and/or wanted to be G-d is the event which drove all the evil and madness which became the polarity of good vs evil. As per my understanding Jews do not believe this way. Shall we continue?
As a child, I did not know of hate. I was taught about hate through my interactions with others and through what I learned at school. Hate didn’t start to emerge clearly until I was clearing 10 years old. I started to understand the very basics.
Hate does not make for happiness; it steals joy and makes everyone miserable.
Our generational pain and the costs of carrying it create unfortunate overcorrections in society and wind up being the sociological equivalent of “bathing cats.” While society seeks to help, it gets slashed up by the perception of harm along the way. There is no argument, no way to find peace and no way to right the generational wrongs. This means no matter what actions are taken on behalf of or in the name of a people, it will never right the world or the wrongs.
Of interest is the fact that we cannot ask AI like Chat GPT about antisemitic language or quotes. It does not allow hate speech even as a reference to factual statements. There are ways to prompt around this but for the sake of this post, I’ll use some quotes less GPT.
On Jewish influence and power:
“Jews were responsible for all of this filth and degenerate behavior that Hollywood is putting out.” (Saviours’ Day speech, February 2018
“Satanic Jews… have infected the whole world with poison and deceit.” (Speech, October 2018) – Lewis Farahan
“The Zionist regime is a rotten, dried tree that will be annihilated in one storm.” (Speech, 2005)
“The existence of the Zionist regime is an insult to all humanity.” (Speech, 2008) Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
“The international financiers… have used their financial power to foment war and revolution in every country… since the beginning of time. But never before… have they been so dangerous to the rest of the world as they are today.” (The Dearborn Independent, May 22, 1920) – Henry Ford
“First, to set fire to their synagogues or schools … This is to be done in honor of our Lord and of Christendom, so that God might see that we are Christians …” – Martin Luther
In recent times, we have heard public figures, music artists and politicians introduce clear and inflammatory commentary. As recently as a few days ago, RFK comments on Covid as some conspiracy.
It isn’t hard to find it in public or in private. The purpose is to express disdain, hate or to solve personal pain caused by a group of people.
As we are erasing history in our country by renaming areas and pulling down statues that we don’t like, it may make sense to rewrite, or erase hate altogether.
If we sought to level the field in society, wouldn’t it be on merit and ability?
Our memories and our generational pain inform us.
For those who never knew a Jew and never had an informer, they would judge me by my behavior not my DNA.
At the start of this post, I was reminded by my elders to “never forget” but as I have read over and again even in the start of biblical human history, knowledge and perception based on generational information becomes an enemy to the people. It creates hate, perpetual victims and sustains historical excuses for immoral behavior against each other.
I’d say if the people of Israel and Palestine had no memory of their separation, they’d have every opportunity for peaceful coexistence.
If my 11-year-old friend John never became Justice as part of his 5% indoctrination, we could have remained friends through our childhood. Instead, he could no longer talk to a devil.
We are doomed to make the same mistakes over and again if we forget but not unlike children, we in society ignore our elders’ warnings and test the system with fires on the stove knowing the outcome. This is why we are living in a time of constant wars, widespread social hate, global warming, and the edge of doom according to our scientists.
If G-d came down and had a cup of coffee with me and said, “Howie, what do you think we should do here?” I’d say “We should forget what we were and learn who we are enabling us to be different and diverse without retaining or discovering something wrong with our differences”
I think we should seek to forget and write a new chapter of human history. Kindness, respect, seeking harmony with nature and working towards the benefits of humanity. There are enemies and wars to fight. The bad guys in this story are illness, global warming, poisoned waters, poisoned air and the death of global flora, sea life, insects, and animals. Don’t we have enough natural challenges to draft stories of conquering the bad guy?
What do you think?